me

people always say they understand, that they feel my pain, that they know what i'm going through, but they don't. no one truly realizes or understands what i'm going through because of what happened, or didn't happen, when i was at school. it's really hard sometimes to get through the day when it only takes a split second to look around and see where i am and what i'm doing, and how this isn't quite how it was supposed to be. i get up and go to work every day with a reminder of where i was, and what could have been. all i want to do is go to school and learn. the only thing i want more than that is to be the best everything to justine i can possibly be. that's what she deserves. and i still have time to do that. i still have a chance to finish out my degree at UVA. i want, so badly, to be able to come home say that "I HAVE WORN THE HONORS OF HONOR. I GRADUATED FROM VIRGINIA." 2003 but i want that time to be now. and it's not. and it sucks. everybody pushes so hard for me to be successful, but they often overlook how badly i want to be happy. i've visited so many different schools over the past 8 or so years, and none have inspired me the way UVA does. seeing the high school kids i work with, i'm reminded of how i was in high school, both as a student and a person. i know a lot of what i did in high school happened in college too, and that wasn't always a good thing. i know going back there isn't an option right now, but one day i will. i just hope it's soon. and i hope i'll have the support i need to overcome the obstacle i will be placing in front of myself. people say being in love is hard, but it's not. not being able to do what makes you happy is hard. but love, that's cake. attending UVA was the biggest challenge i have ever had. loving justine doesn't even fall under the same radar. i always have to try to make her happy, because if i don't put forth any effort, then it doesn't mean as much. but loving her unconditionally, without judgement or hesitation, without scrutiny or obligation is, by far, the easiest thing i've ever done. to love her is to love the purest and simplest form of beauty. no imperfections. no flaws. no insincerities. no predispositions. to love her is to love the greatest gift the world has ever seen.

i love you, justine.
you are my everything.

posted by Ron @ 1:51 AM